Sentimental Journey

I went to upper Michigan for two things. The first involved being rejected in 32 minutes by the local Northeast Wisconsin small-minded, myopic, hypocrite ELCA Lutheran candidacy committee for going to seminary to serve as an Associate in Ministry. They didn't know what to do with me, and were intimidated by my hymnal and newspaper publishing and what I can do to serve. After telling me all the personal things they thought were wrong with me, which was like my crucifixion,  I left very troubled. I tried to understand how four clergy and two lay people could be so horrid and cruel. One pastor grilled me with passive aggressive questions for  my job history and then went after my grief, trying to make it look like I had a mental problem  losing two parents in one year.

I had to endure what no Christian should have to put up with by fellow Christians, or pastors serving the church!

They missed the boat with someone who's grandfather served as a pastor for 52 years, and our cousin, Rev. J.A. Eklund, was the Bishop of the Lutheran Church of Sweden. We are supposed to be related to Martin Luther too on my German side. Boy, did they miss the boat! I am  afraid they would have rejected Jesus if  he had walked into their midst. If Luther were alive, he would have told them  a few choice words. My Dad would have told them  off on the spot, and called them  "protoplasm" as he referred to people who were dead and worthless in charge.

They would not be a good fit for me either, I decided, and I am  free to go to a seminary on my own without a gatekeeper.

If my late Mother was there, she would have told them  (in true pastor's kid rebellion) "OH GO PISS UP A ROPE!"

I left the Lutheran camp where it took place and I hope they all saw my middle finger extended in the rear view mirror!

The second part of my trip turned into a sentimental journey.

My journey then took me to the Swedish Mission Covenant Bible camp (Covenant Point)  where my mother and grandparents had been.  Pastor Bob Bird gave me a tour and showed me where my Mom  had gone to camp. He prayed over me to heal from  my grief and horrible experience with the Lutherans.  I saw the island Mom  was stranded on, which she wrote about on her blog... http://bernie-oldwho--me.blogspot.com/2010/09/those-were-days-my-friends.html

It is in the same spot where the cross is that the original dock was where Mom  was brought back in the sherif'f's boat  after being stranded on the island.

Grandma Eklund at Covenant Point 1940



Same spot today 2012



It was really neat seeing where all her stories had happened.

Then I drove across Hwy 2 to Mom's second hometown of Ironwood, Michigan. I had never been there.

Rev. Axel G. & Frida Eklund

I found my Swedish grandparent's graves, and the church my grandpa served in, and got a tour of the parsonage. Everyone in town was nice to me, including the people I met who knew my Mom  and grandparents there.  I put Swedish flags, and  flowers on my grandparents graves, and then soaked up the local color.  I devoured two pastys at Joe's Pasty shop, and saw Hurley, WI, across the stream  where the bars were. Grandpa and other pastors had a mission there to try to save the drunks and prostitutes back in the 1930's-1940's.  Mom  played the piano in the mission for Grandpa while he led services to the drunks.

Mom and Grandma Frida in parsonage kitchen 1941



Same kitchen 2012



Grandson in same spot 2012



Grandpa Eklund in front of his church 1940



I found the schools where Mom  went, and sites she told stories about. Ironwood sits in a beautiful area of trees and hills and was a town noted for iron ore. My grandparents were adored by the townspeople there and ended up being buried there.



Downtown Ironwood where Mom plied the streets growing up

At a Lutheran church there, I found several elderly people who had known my grandparents and grew up with Mom.. It was comforting to hear stories about her.  One lady named Bonnie told me Mom  was always late to school. I smiled and said she was late to everything!

I drove back feeling like I had finally felt complete with my Mom, now I can move on from her death.

I found the people of Ironwood very nice and friendly.  Today they are running a story in the Daily Globe newspaper there about my visit and my Mom!



It was a bittersweet journey, the first part was terrible, and the second was wonderful. Funny how God has that for us, just like Good Friday and Easter.



p.s. I did let the committee that rejected me know what I felt about their horsemanure... I hope they slip in it. :)

Spring Cleaning Out

Spring has sprung early this year. Hard to believe two weeks ago there was snow on the ground still.

The daffodils and tulips are coming up fast with our heat wave in March.  A set of daffodils popped out and bloomed today, but look dwarfed from not growing up normally.

Mr. Willow, my mom's favorite tree in the yard is budding out already on March 21st.  I keep going out to the yard and telling him to "cool it" as we are going to get hit with a big snow yet. Mom's lilac bushes are budding too.

I have never seen Spring so early here in Wisconsin; it is a real treat after last year with the long winter that reached into May. This is the kind of weather I am accustomed to in Denver, Colorado, where I used to live.

Cleaning out Mom and Dad's house of things already I am taking, and it's quite traumatic here seeing where a sofa, table, piano or chair used to be that were here for almost 33 years. I found putting the patio furniture in the empty spots helped ease the pain. Makes me feel like the folks have died again. And, I can smell my folk's smell in the house vividly this week. It is like they don't want us to go or clean out their things.  Little breezes brush by me in the house with no windows open. The other day I whistled for Dodger from upstairs, and I heard someone else whistle - my Dad. They are here still.

My little brother came last week and we loaded up a U-Haul for both of us. He took the 1965 formal dining room set, and before he left, he looked like was ready to cry. He gave me a big hug. Welcome to my world.

Instead of an apartment for the Dodger and I, I found a place for the same price, and loads of room for us! I rented a duplex to live in across town, and it needed a lot of work to live in first. It was filthy, but a diamond in the rough as I started moving into it right on my birthday in January. (pic from January)

I hired a duct cleaner who found Jimmy Hoffa in the furnace system which had not had a air filter installed properly by the last tenants. The furnace was full of dust, toys, and things.  It was gross, and landlord knocked it off my rent. Cleaned the carpets myself, and windows. Painted the living room over again at the new place as it was egg shell with a hint of purple in it. What started as antique white was too grey looking, so I had them add a "bit of lemon" to it. Now the walls are "POSIT NOTE YELLOW."  I can live with it and it makes the room look warm.



Living room before painting yellow



green room

 Can't decide what to do about the kitchen or bathroom, or one bedroom. The other bedroom has light green on the walls, I can live with. And, there is no dishwasher, so I am now the dishwasher with the limited counter space.

The 1959 piano arrived yesterday after I hired some movers. It is asking Mom's 1973 gold sofa and the 1965 end tables "where are we now?"  Managed to find a nice entertainment center at a thrift store and a friend helped me move it, but my TV won't fit in it, as it is too small. The living room looks nice, but I went from contemporary 1980's furniture, which I left behind in Denver, to 1970's gold retro. I found gold is back in! I am happy with it, and as late painter Bob Ross says, I have "happy clouds."

My siblings and their spouses come home next week to go over the folk's house, and they will have emotions flowing like I have. It is hard to break up a home after 60 years of marriage. Hopefully there will no bickering or fighting because I am not putting up with it after all I have been through being the caregiver here for the parents and caretaker of the house for them. 

Hopefully I found a buyer for my Mom's house, a friend from college who is the loan process.

I may perhaps move back to Denver after all is settled. Who knows.

Mom and Dad in 2007 -
 Mom wiped out from taking
care of Dad with Alzhiemers.

Contrary to what some of my fun family members think with their disparaging remarks about me being here to help, (there are always one or two in families!) I did a wonderful thing for my parents, and was able to keep my Mom in her own home until she died. She otherwise would have gone to assisted living and her money wiped out in a few months. She could not live by herself anymore after Dad died with her health problems and sickness every other day for two years here.

She was exhausted after from taking care of Dad for many years before he went into the rest home to die, and it took a toll on her health and shortened her life I believe.

I have no regrets coming home to help my parents in their final few years. No regrets.

I'm Okay!

I was in the formal living room  playing the piano with hymns and liturgy the other night. I would play sometimes at night while Mom was in the family room watching t.v. She would sometimes turn off her programs to listen to me playing a favorite or prodding my way through a new one. Sometimes she would come in to sit down and tell me about her favorite hymns.  After playing the piano the other night, and getting the dog back in after going "potty," we went upstairs to go to bed.

To my surprise, through the cracked door, I saw light pouring out of my parent's bedroom. It startled and scared the hell out of me at first, but as I walked to the door to open it with my heart beating fast, I cautiously walked in and said "Mom?"  Then, I smiled and laughed. It was the sign I was waiting for.



Mom's light mysteriously "ON"



Mom's light by her bed was "on."  It was a sign that she was telling me "I'm Okay!"

She told me on occasion that she would give me a signal or sign after she died to let me know she was okay. This was it.

Nobody has used the room since her funeral, and I vacuum and dust it once in a while. And, I keep the door cracked, so I don't have to look in there because it is too painful to go in my parent's bedroom  or see their beds, still made up like they are coming home to sleep there again. I notice that the air inside the room is a breezy cold, and I don't go in there much. It used to be warm in her room when she was alive, but now the temperature is cold in there. Bright sunlight beams from  the room  during the day.

But what a nice surprise.  I felt comforted with that light on, and quickly grabbed the camera to record it.

It has been five months since Mom died unexpectedly at Mayo Clinic and I will be moving on soon. In her will, I was granted six months to stay here in the house where I grew up and then was caregiver for her in her final years.  My sister in Texas has the hard task of being executor, and has decided to clear the house out and sell it empty. I am livid with her decision and agenda, as it seems so cold and callous. Perhaps it is her way of dealing with the grief?  It would be better to have me here until it sells with the dog and furniture around, so people looking at the house can see how it is here. The Realtors have told her to sell it with me here to watch the house so it sells; but she chooses to have it her way. Some people's kids! I get so angry with her ideas and plans because they make me nervous, and are such an intrusion and self-centered sometimes.  (Pastor friends tell me they hear stories of  family issues like this all the time.)

However since living here alone with the dog, I have noticed noises and things around the house since Dad and Mom died in one year. Dodger and I hear downstairs what sounds like someone walking in the master bedroom space upstairs. And, the dog and I have woken up from a sleep to hear my Mom's coughing, and I've heard Dad blow his nose with his distinctive trumpet sound in the bathroom .  I smile. I was in my Mom's room getting a book from her bookcase, and I felt a tug on my shirttail one afternoon. Doors to their bedroom  are closed at night, but are wide open by morning or open in minutes by themselves when you don't look.  And, the other night, I woke up with Mom's banging sound when she used to turn on the light switch in her room, or come up the stairs at night. Last night while tying my shoes sitting on the staircase, a flash of light in an orb whizzed right by me in the entryway. I didn't get scared, but felt comforted. Mom's hanging plants are in her room  for the winter, and blooming in March! Impatients.

Perhaps their spirits are here, waiting for the family to break up the household in order for them to move on?  Perhaps they are here to tell us they are okay and love us dearly?  I yearn for them, and miss them  very much. Somtimes I cry from the grief and sob like an idiot; I have been through a lot in two years.  Dodger comes and puts his head on my lap when that happens. He misses Mom  too.  Normal grief, and good to let it out to heal inside.

But in the meantime, I got the message I was hoping for, Mom let me know she is okay.

When the siblings come to disband the household, I hope they catch a glimpse of messages, or a sign like I have been given.  Perhaps they too might be comforted by their late parents giving them a sign or message of love from beyond.

I feel Swedish, But I'm Taking Pills for it!



Mom (Bernice Eklund) in 1948

 

Swedish flag



My mother was a first generation Swedish-American. Her parents came from  Sweden. This makes me second generation Swedish-American.

I know, you are asking, "Hey Jim, why don't you have blue eyes and blonde hair?"  That is a stereotype of folks who think we all look like that, but in reality, we Swedes take several different forms. We come in all shapes and sizes, and some of us have the Nordic blue eyes, blonde hair, but some are known as dark Swedes. Mom and Mor Mor (grandma) were dark Swedes with chestnut brown hair and hazel eyes. Her Dad, was a dark blonde with blue eyes. 

We are proud, hearty, intelligent, long-lived, peoples who make a difference in the world, if we can. We give out the Pulitzer Price each year to people who do good things. 



Pippi Longstocking is Swedish


 

nice, sexy Ann-Margret is Swedish!



Being a  Swede is fun. We have strange customs like eating cod fish that has been soaked in lye, which we call Lutefisk. And, we are famous for Swedish meatballs, IKEA, Swedish Fish candy, Nordstrom, Ann-Margret, Greta Garbo, Ingrid Bergman, Pippi Longstocking, Bjorn Berg, Ingersol-Rand equipment, Tina Nordstrom  on PBS, singing group ABBA, Mrs. Olson of Folger's Coffee, the Swedish Chef from the Muppets, and a slew of other people and things. 



IKEA stores are from Sweden





Lutefisk!  It's Gute fer Yew!



Smorgasbord at Christmas (God Jul)

Did you know we celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve? True. A Swedish family will have dinner, then open up presents on Christmas Eve. We eat a smorgasbord, or a formal dinner with shrimp, lutefisk, Swedish meatballs, lefse, lingonberries, potatoes, potato sausage, and desserts with Spritz or Peppakokor cookies. We drink mulled wine with spices and brandy called "Glog" which will get you higher than the space shuttle and make you feel like you love the world.  Many families then go to late night services at either a Lutheran, Ev. Covenant,  Methodist or Baptist church. (There are some Catholics who are Swedish too, but the majority of us are Lutheran of some form because the official church in Sweden is the Lutheran Church.) Ann-Margret is the only Lutheran to have dated Elvis Presley!

 

Midsommar Festival



Swedes long for summer!  It is in our genes!  In Sweden, and in the USA, we dance around a decorated cross called a Stang and sing songs during Midsommar, which is June 21 during the solstice.

 

Jimmy the Swede driving a boat at Green Lake in Minnesota last year.

 

We Swedes do love water. It is in our blood dating from before the Vikings. I long for lakes in the summer, go boating, fishing and swimming.



Swedes in America settled in Minnesota, Wisconsin, Texas, Colorado, Delaware, Maine, Chicago, California and pockets all over the USA. Minnesota has the largest percentage of people with Swedish blood. This is where the Swedish American Institute is located in Minneapolis.  



Some Swedes celebrate our heritage by carrying on the traditions our Swedish parents gave us, and it falls into the trend of being "multi-ethnic."  If I go to Chicago (or anywhere there is one) I stop at IKEA and pig out on a plate of Swedish meatballs every time. And, you can still find Swedish churches that celebrate their heritage across the country here with high mass and communion. Some celebrate Julotta, a Christmas Day service at 5 am, before the sun rises!  I took in Julotta at First Lutheran in Longmont, Colorado once at 5 am.. We sang "Nar Juldasmorgon Glimmar" which translates into "Christmas Day is Dawning."

 

Swedish pancakes with lingonberries



Al Johnson's Swedish restaurant in Sister Bay, Wisconsin, (located in Door county) is a great place to eat Swedish pancakes with lingonberries with Swedish meatballs. They have goats on the roof, which is a tourist thing to attract tourists, but the food and gift shop there are wonderful.  Georgetown, Colorado, named after King George of Sweden, is a good place for finding Swedish stuff at the International Shoppe. 

  

Greta Garbo was Swedish



Yes, some people have asked me on the spot to say something in Swedish: I give them Greta Garbo's "I VANT TO BE ALONE!"



Some people know she is famous for saying that, and get a laugh, because it's not spoken in Swedish, but English. But I do know how to say some things in Svensk. Like, for instance, I say "tak sa mycket" which means "thanks so much." Or, I will say, "var sa gud" which means "you're welcome." in Swedish. My Mom used to say my hair "looks like Scrut!" which means junkyard in Swedish, I hope. For years I thought she meant the "S" word. LOL

Swedish Dala horse

Being Swedish is fun, cultural, fun to share with others, and we get along with so many people! 



Yah, sure yew betcha heh! 



Kom Igen!  (Come Again!)

Baby It's Cold Outside!

Mrs Cardinal in my backyard today.

Winter is finally here! We had 52 degrees last Thursday and a mild Fall and early Winter. It blew in the day before my birthday last week Friday with snow. What a nice surprise to wake up to a world of white. I am now 48 years old and look at the world differently now. I keep hearing "things will be great in '48!"  Hope so.

Tonight it is minus ZERO here in Wisconsin, and baby, it's COLD outside!  I cannot help but worry about my feathered friends Mr & Mrs Cardinal, chickadees, sparrows and other birds that come to my feeders in the backyard. What are they doing tonight for warmth and how are they surviving this cold? I put extra Cardinal blend from Kay Tee birdseed in the bird feeder to keep them warm with food. I imagine they are all puffed up and cuddling on their branches in the evergreens nearby. Poor fellers. 

It is days like this I wish I were someone warm like Florida, or on a cruise somewhere I have never been. But I am afraid of taking a boat now after the Costa Concordia disaster.

Titanic's final moments

Imagine 100 years after the Titanic and nearly 97 years after the  Empress of Ireland disaster in the St. Lawrence seaway with more loss of life than the Titanic, things are still not okay with taking a ship somewhere! Dianne Sawyer on ABC News will be doing a story on shoddy cruise companies tomorrow.
And, did you notice the Costa Concordia's smokestack is the same color as the four on the Titanic's - buff yellow?  Strange!


Titanic's bell on exhibit



In 2007, (like the person here looking at the ship's bell) I actually touched the Titanic at the national exhibit in Denver with a piece of the hull in the display case. I saw things like an autopsy from the ship, like a hairbrush with hair in it from some victim. There were clothes and leather bags that had survived being in the ship underwater all these years. Everyone was given cards with a real passenger's name on it upon the tour. My person, of course, went down with the ship.  I didn't like it, and it freaked me out. Seeing the display made me realize the horror of that ship disaster and the cold night when 2700 people drowned or died of exposure in the cold water in the North Atlantic. When I got home, I immediately threw out all my Titanic memorabilia in the dumpster, including authentic Titanic coal someone gave me. I wanted nothing to do with that death ship. Do you know that there is a new cruise ship with a deck on board called the Titanic deck?   No thanks!



Costa Concordia disaster



Perhaps they need to bring that chicken of the sea captain of the Costa Concordia to a Titanic exhibit to see parts of the ship autopsy, and the horror of it all? Every new cruise ship captain should see that exhibit before running a ship. Then they would know safety first.  At least the Captain of the Titanic stayed with the ship and helped with evacuation of people. They still have not found everybody inside the Concordia, and I didn't realize a huge hunk of rock was stuck in the hull where the damage is. Unbelievable in this day and age. It is sad how history has to repeat itself with laxness and then new laws have to be enacted to reform things that were already reformed for safety after the Titanic. 

Oasis of the Seas Cruise Ship



Which brings me to the next point. Have you ever noticed the mega cruise ships today have only a few lifeboats on each side of the ship?  How would they be able to evacuate 5000 people  if one side dips like the Costa Concordia? Ever look at the new Oasis of the Seas and the other boats? Scary. A megaTitanic disaster just waiting to happen, I am afraid.  

Cunard's new Queen Elizabeth
(I'll take the old QE2 over this ugly version.)

And, have you noticed the family resemblance of the Concordia to Cunard Line's new Queen Elizabeth and Queen Victoria ships? Both only have 8 or so lifeboats on each side. (Another Titanic waiting to happen? ) Turns out they are built by the same builder in Italy, and are owned by the same company, Carnival.

I think Florida would be fun to visit though, staying on land and beach when it is minus 0 here in Wisconsin. I love boating, but until regulation gets better for cruise ships, I think I will stay off a cruise for now.

Say...I wonder how my birds are doing....

Chicago is My Kind of Town!

I had to leave Green Bay to get back into civilization. I had to get back my confidence of feeling like I can fly in the real world. Living in the North for two years in the near outback of Wisconsin can be isolating. I made my reservation at a new hotel, Hyatt Place in Schaumburg, near Woodfield Mall and the new IKEA.  I left the dog with the neighbors and roared out of town down I-43 toward Chicago.

Once I hit Russell road on I-94, I knew it would not be long I would be at my destination. The Illinois trees are different once you hit the border compared to Wisconsin's trees, my Mom always said. Would you believe Illinois raised the rate on the tolls?  It was almost $3.00 for the first one near Zion, and then $1.50 near O'Hare. They upped the anty by a buck. But you get a smooth road to drive on, and those Moasis rest stops that span the freeways! Cool!

I settled into my room at Hyatt Place. The $58 room featured a L shaped couch, wet bar, and desk as you walked in. Then with wall partitions, the King size bed was back by the window, and the sink, and separate toilet and bath on the back wall. A neat design which made it feel like a nice small apartment. The pool and hot tub was nice.

I ventured out on the sunny warm day in January and caught a inbound Metra commuter train to Union Station at Schaumburg to head downtown Chicago. I chose my seat in the upper part of the gallery car, which is double decker. The ride was smooth, and was a milk run, stopping at every train station into downtown.

Union Station was all a glow with Amtrak passengers, and people riding commuter trains in and out. I walked into the huge vaulted waiting room, and stared at the ceiling. My Mom used to eat lunch here at the Fred Harvey Restaurant next to the huge waiting room in the 1940's when she worked in an office nearby downtown. And, my Dad came home from World War 2 in this very train station too in 1946 on a troop train. I have taken many trains out of here myself on Amtrak. 

Then came the ride back to Schaumburg on the $7 unlimited weekend pass I bought from the conductor on the inbound train. Time for dinner at IKEA, yes IKEA, the massive Swedish design store. Up I went on the elevator to the third floor and ordered me a huge plate of Swedish meatballs with mashed potatoes, and lingonberries.

 Got a glass of milk to wash it down. Being a Swede, it is natural to eat Swedish meatballs. Dey are Gute for Yew! I walked around the store a little bit, and then settled into the pool and then bed at the hotel across the street with a glass of wine. The huge flatscreen TV had interesting programming on it to relax to - one called REST, which I really enjoyed seeing to unwind.

I retired to a nice King size Sealy bed, made for Hyatt, which gave me a good night sleep.  

I woke up too late for complimentary breakfast, so I ate a cheap breakfast at IKEA. Then, I headed down the backroads to downtown Chicago. Through nice neighborhoods, and across on Touhy Ave, I found Lake Shore Drive! 

Nice!  Sunny morning, nice drive on Lake Michigan.  Cruised through the Miracle mile on Michigan Avenue, and was hoping to catch a glimpse of Oprah. No luck. Hoardes of people shopping on Sunday morning on Michigan Ave I found!

Ended up near the Chicago Skyway in a not so nice neighborhood, and then drove I-94 back up to the Skokie Highway, which is Hwy 41. Stopped in on relatives in Zion, IL before I came back to Wisconsin.

Yes, it is nice to be able to be within reach of a city like Chicago when you live in the outback of Wisconsin. Chicago is a nice getaway, and my kind of town!

Happy New Year! Drink! Drink! Drink!

Happy New Year everybody!  I hope this year turns out better than the others have recently.

Went out tonight for dinner with friend Penny, then came home to let my Dodger,  (Mom's golden retriever) out. Then went out to the local supper club for New Years Eve - by myself! (Better than nobody I say!) 

I saw Dick Clark drop his balls ...... a-hem, excuse me... drop his ball on TV one hour before ours here on Central time.  Then the place brought out hats, and party favors and I got champagne in a glass to toast in the year with perfect strangers.

And, the place went nuts at exactly 12:00a.m!!!  I drank pink champagne, blew my little horn, and wore the plastic hat. It was fun. 

I got a nice text from  my older brother in Denver, who wished me Happy New Year, and he sent the song lyrics my folks played at New Years Eve parties back in Austin, Minnesota when they were young- the drink song from The Student Prince with Mario Lanza singing it.  Click Here it is... to see/hear it,  and the lyrics...too are here...


Drink, Drink, Drink(Drinking Song) Mario Lanza

Ein zwei drei vier
Lift your stein and drink your beer
Ein zwei drei vier
Lift your stein and drink your beer

Drink! Drink! Drink!
To eyes that are bright as stars when they're shining on me!
Drink! Drink! Drink!
To lips that are red and sweet as the fruit on the tree!


 Jon  texted tonight that Mom  and Dad are with all their friends again in heaven with that song!  He's right.

After the committal at the grave, we used that song at the graveside of my Mom's burial in September with everyone drinking champagne to it.  A nice send off for Mom!!

I remember my friend Mary and I standing next to the headstone and Mom's casket with our champagne glasses filled with bubbly as everyone also toasted and swung their arms to that song being played on the boom box next to the hearse!  Morbid? Not really, even the funeral home people were drinking with us to that song!  I put a full glass on Mom's casket, and poured the contents down in  her grave where she would be at rest with Dad next to her.

Would you believe one of  the mourners attending drank too much of it, and when she was leaving... backed her BIG Ford F-150 into a large black granite headstone with a big.....THUD...... knocking it off kilter??  I thought I would die laughing!!  It took 12 of us to get that thing back in position! 

Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012!!!!