I'm Okay!

I was in the formal living room  playing the piano with hymns and liturgy the other night. I would play sometimes at night while Mom was in the family room watching t.v. She would sometimes turn off her programs to listen to me playing a favorite or prodding my way through a new one. Sometimes she would come in to sit down and tell me about her favorite hymns.  After playing the piano the other night, and getting the dog back in after going "potty," we went upstairs to go to bed.

To my surprise, through the cracked door, I saw light pouring out of my parent's bedroom. It startled and scared the hell out of me at first, but as I walked to the door to open it with my heart beating fast, I cautiously walked in and said "Mom?"  Then, I smiled and laughed. It was the sign I was waiting for.



Mom's light mysteriously "ON"



Mom's light by her bed was "on."  It was a sign that she was telling me "I'm Okay!"

She told me on occasion that she would give me a signal or sign after she died to let me know she was okay. This was it.

Nobody has used the room since her funeral, and I vacuum and dust it once in a while. And, I keep the door cracked, so I don't have to look in there because it is too painful to go in my parent's bedroom  or see their beds, still made up like they are coming home to sleep there again. I notice that the air inside the room is a breezy cold, and I don't go in there much. It used to be warm in her room when she was alive, but now the temperature is cold in there. Bright sunlight beams from  the room  during the day.

But what a nice surprise.  I felt comforted with that light on, and quickly grabbed the camera to record it.

It has been five months since Mom died unexpectedly at Mayo Clinic and I will be moving on soon. In her will, I was granted six months to stay here in the house where I grew up and then was caregiver for her in her final years.  My sister in Texas has the hard task of being executor, and has decided to clear the house out and sell it empty. I am livid with her decision and agenda, as it seems so cold and callous. Perhaps it is her way of dealing with the grief?  It would be better to have me here until it sells with the dog and furniture around, so people looking at the house can see how it is here. The Realtors have told her to sell it with me here to watch the house so it sells; but she chooses to have it her way. Some people's kids! I get so angry with her ideas and plans because they make me nervous, and are such an intrusion and self-centered sometimes.  (Pastor friends tell me they hear stories of  family issues like this all the time.)

However since living here alone with the dog, I have noticed noises and things around the house since Dad and Mom died in one year. Dodger and I hear downstairs what sounds like someone walking in the master bedroom space upstairs. And, the dog and I have woken up from a sleep to hear my Mom's coughing, and I've heard Dad blow his nose with his distinctive trumpet sound in the bathroom .  I smile. I was in my Mom's room getting a book from her bookcase, and I felt a tug on my shirttail one afternoon. Doors to their bedroom  are closed at night, but are wide open by morning or open in minutes by themselves when you don't look.  And, the other night, I woke up with Mom's banging sound when she used to turn on the light switch in her room, or come up the stairs at night. Last night while tying my shoes sitting on the staircase, a flash of light in an orb whizzed right by me in the entryway. I didn't get scared, but felt comforted. Mom's hanging plants are in her room  for the winter, and blooming in March! Impatients.

Perhaps their spirits are here, waiting for the family to break up the household in order for them to move on?  Perhaps they are here to tell us they are okay and love us dearly?  I yearn for them, and miss them  very much. Somtimes I cry from the grief and sob like an idiot; I have been through a lot in two years.  Dodger comes and puts his head on my lap when that happens. He misses Mom  too.  Normal grief, and good to let it out to heal inside.

But in the meantime, I got the message I was hoping for, Mom let me know she is okay.

When the siblings come to disband the household, I hope they catch a glimpse of messages, or a sign like I have been given.  Perhaps they too might be comforted by their late parents giving them a sign or message of love from beyond.